Garage Fail

I consider the garage sale to be one of the banes of my existence. Seriously. Who in their right mind wants to go buy other people's busted, stained, old shit at the ass crack of dawn. Certainly not my lazy ass. Oh but, I would love to gather all the horseshit outta my house, my mom's houses, my grandma's house, my neighbor across the street's house, my great aunt's condo and apparently anyone else who thinks they have shit worth selling and put it in my driveway.

Friday, 11:45pm- my drunk ass walks home from the neighborhood get together.

Saturday, 12:27am- I pass out on the bed.

1:38am- hubs wakes me up stumbling in from neighborhood poker game. (broke even)

6:45am- Thanks to C1 and C2, I get out of bed only to realize I have to have a FUCKING GARAGE SALE in 1 hour. Hitler (mom) will arrive momentarily. *Fuck, I need coffee.*

7:15am- We open the garage door, ready to unload all the shit, fearing little Chinese women with Ziploc baggies full of change and the entourage from the local trailer park looking to score some furniture and baby clothes for their next offspring. None appear. Yet.

7:32am- Here they come. People start arriving in droves before we've even got our crap out of the damn garage. No shit. "How much is this?" "Will you take 50 cents for this?" *Fuck, I really need some more coffee*

7:33am- Hitler appears and (temporarily) scares everyone off. But she's not really that scary. Ask my brother.

7:42am- And now we're in business, even though the sign says 8am. What the fuck ever. People are buying our old shit we were going to give to the Goodwill anyway. Hitler is still pissed that we are open early. *I still need that mother fucking coffee*

I could go on, but here's the cliff's notes: We were bewildered at the shit people actually paid money for: lingerie (with tags), baby shower decorations, laminate flooring, and wait for it...VHS TAPES!

It was murderously hot. It was seriously about 102 degrees. Sweltering.  But that 300 bucks in my pocket sure feels nice. felt nice. I already spent that shit.

We even did a good deed for the day and took the shit no one wanted to the Goodwill.  And there you are- garage fail.