eye candy

Thanks, HBO, for spicing up my lame ass Friday night with this little slice of yum. "Tigers like pepper. They don't like cinnamon."

can I get a ride?

Um...Please and thank you. That is all.

Garage Fail

I consider the garage sale to be one of the banes of my existence. Seriously. Who in their right mind wants to go buy other people's busted, stained, old shit at the ass crack of dawn. Certainly not my lazy ass. Oh but, I would love to gather all the horseshit outta my house, my mom's houses, my grandma's house, my neighbor across the street's house, my great aunt's condo and apparently anyone else who thinks they have shit worth selling and put it in my driveway.

Friday, 11:45pm- my drunk ass walks home from the neighborhood get together.

Saturday, 12:27am- I pass out on the bed.

1:38am- hubs wakes me up stumbling in from neighborhood poker game. (broke even)

6:45am- Thanks to C1 and C2, I get out of bed only to realize I have to have a FUCKING GARAGE SALE in 1 hour. Hitler (mom) will arrive momentarily. *Fuck, I need coffee.*

7:15am- We open the garage door, ready to unload all the shit, fearing little Chinese women with Ziploc baggies full of change and the entourage from the local trailer park looking to score some furniture and baby clothes for their next offspring. None appear. Yet.

7:32am- Here they come. People start arriving in droves before we've even got our crap out of the damn garage. No shit. "How much is this?" "Will you take 50 cents for this?" *Fuck, I really need some more coffee*

7:33am- Hitler appears and (temporarily) scares everyone off. But she's not really that scary. Ask my brother.

7:42am- And now we're in business, even though the sign says 8am. What the fuck ever. People are buying our old shit we were going to give to the Goodwill anyway. Hitler is still pissed that we are open early. *I still need that mother fucking coffee*

I could go on, but here's the cliff's notes: We were bewildered at the shit people actually paid money for: lingerie (with tags), baby shower decorations, laminate flooring, and wait for it...VHS TAPES!

It was murderously hot. It was seriously about 102 degrees. Sweltering.  But that 300 bucks in my pocket sure feels nice. felt nice. I already spent that shit.

We even did a good deed for the day and took the shit no one wanted to the Goodwill.  And there you are- garage fail.

What Women Want?

Here it is...I'm popping my cherry. Didn't think I was going to get so deep the first time, but ah well. (TWSS)

So, Mel Gibson, I guess you think what women want is a complete asshole that cusses them 9 ways from Sunday and beats the shit out of them.  Are you serious, dude? I can't get over what a fucktard this guy is.

I think I could overlook the racial slurs, but this is unexcusable.  I mean, you were Braveheart, you beat down some mothafuckas in Ransom and Payback, and cracked us up in What Women Want.  Maybe you need to take your drunk ass to rehab and STAY THERE until you get your shit figured out. We'd all be better off. But of course, what would Life & Style put on their cover if your dirty mouth takes a hiatus?

Why is it that women will make excuses for the man in their life that demeans them and takes away their sense of self and strength? Instead of stepping up (or more appropriately- out) in a sick, twisted, and unhealthy relashionship, so many stay. They stay and continue to be subjected to the abuse.

My hope is that those women realize that your life can and will be better after you kick his ass to the curb.  I know, easy for me to say, but someone's gotta push.  Talk to someone who can help you dig deep and help you find the strength to do what you need to do- or be that someone for her to talk to!

So, now that the ranty blog is done, I'm on to lighter shit this evening.